A Block

Maybe just writing things down on a page will help me actually write something for this research proposal.... I'm blocked and I'm anxious and can so easily get in a bad frame of mind...
Yo-yoing back and forth between I have to do this, I need to pass terms, I just need to get something on the page to I don't want to do this, It will magically go away, I'm weak and I want out.
CRAZINESS!
The annoying thing is I feel like I can sit the final exams but its just these stupid open ended assignments that send my brain into a mess of ruminative, negative, depreciating thoughts. It's like I'm just letting myself fall into a self-fulling prophecy. Great. Taylor JUST WRITE SOMETHING. FAILURE IS OK. It's NOT the end of the world, the sky isn't going to come crashing down and sallow me up into nothingness.
I just kept going to different sources in the hopes that they would have something different and profound and all encompassing to say, a miracle cure, a way out and breakthrough. No such luck, as I knew all along. I'm my own worst enemy caught up in the tangles of my own mind, tripping me up, trapping me a prison of my own dysfunction. Powerful but in a wicked witch of the west kind of way.

yup.

Look to You.

God I look to you and I won't be overwhelmed. Give me vision. - Bethel


A bit of a turbulent time
Calling out
Confusion

Finding middle ground
Straightening out my thoughts
Overstimulation
Cortisol excess

Walking the fine line
Between simplicity and routine and intellectual stimulation, wonder and awe

Hanging on
Looking after ones self
Laughter
Tears
Pushing on
Gentleness

Support of community is the ideal
Individualism and isolation part of the reality

I will look to HIM
He knows my path even when I feel completely lost and tired
Trust
Faith
Hope
Patience
Learning to wait
Learning to love